The Inner Game of Horsemanship
Part of my daily discipline is the studying of Parelli materials. I tend to cycle back and forth between videos from the vault found on www.parelliconnect.com , to levels materials, to the Liberty and Horse Behavior set. I am currently on disc 4 of that wonderful set and have already decided that when I complete the last disc, I will put the first one in and start over again. That is a set that I will need to view again, and again, and again.
I've just gotten through a leadership segment that Linda covered. In it she & the students composed a list of positive and negative leadership qualities. Terms like 'focused', 'calm', 'persistent' were on the positive side and concepts like 'scared', 'frustrated' and 'scattered' were on the negative side. Linda pointed out that those of us with the traits on the 'negative' side are attempting to lead our horses in those states. And that is why we have problems with our horses.
Oh, the stark, simple truth of that statement.
So, how do we get from the negative traits to the positive ones? This comprises the Inner Game of Horsemanship. (And, arguably, the Inner Game of Life!).
What do we DO when we are in those states?
Retreat to our comfort zone, give up, vent, take it out on others, flock to others who feel the same way, blame, justify or overdo it and go on after we should quit.
So what should we do to move from negative to positive? Simple. The opposite of what we are doing!
Instead of giving up, hang in there, instead of blaming, own it, and so on.
As Pat often says, simple doesn't mean easy.
The battle to control one's emotions and move to these stronger and more positive states can be quite challenging. I can tell I am hitting 'the wall' when I want to scream at my dog for whining (she knows when the horse isn't doing what I am asking and I know it is her way of helping, but it is like I can't take that whining AND deal with the behavior of the horse AND try to correct myself AND, AND, AND...).
Chalk one up for 'justify'...actually, give me a double for justify AND take it out on others.
I take that urge to scream at the dog as my big clue that I need a time out.....it only takes a breath or two and I am back. That tells me I am making progress as it used to take much longer.
All of those layers of things to deal with: dog whining, horse going RB, ME going RB, are the obstacles on my path to becoming more emotionally fit and the leader my horse needs me to be.
Without those stressors, I won't progress through what I need to sort out, in order to become that person I so want to be.
Like the levels themselves, change will be incremental and not in one.huge.leap.
Over time, it'll just be that I don't notice the whining of the dog, or if I do, I calmly ask her to go lay down or just ignore it and stay focused on the horse. I will have enough 'arrows in my quiver' to deal with the horse and supply what he/she needs to also become more calm and focused. I will automatically take the breaths I need and remain in a steady state.
Like me, my horses also need the exposure to the various things that THEY can't handle and a calm, knowing guide to get them through it....not too much, so that they go over the edge, and not so little that there is no room for growth.
We are both on the levels....growing in our own ways and growing in the ways we relate to each other.
Simple.....but not easy. But totally worth it.
Sue, becoming a leader, in Ohio
I've just gotten through a leadership segment that Linda covered. In it she & the students composed a list of positive and negative leadership qualities. Terms like 'focused', 'calm', 'persistent' were on the positive side and concepts like 'scared', 'frustrated' and 'scattered' were on the negative side. Linda pointed out that those of us with the traits on the 'negative' side are attempting to lead our horses in those states. And that is why we have problems with our horses.
Oh, the stark, simple truth of that statement.
So, how do we get from the negative traits to the positive ones? This comprises the Inner Game of Horsemanship. (And, arguably, the Inner Game of Life!).
What do we DO when we are in those states?
Retreat to our comfort zone, give up, vent, take it out on others, flock to others who feel the same way, blame, justify or overdo it and go on after we should quit.
So what should we do to move from negative to positive? Simple. The opposite of what we are doing!
Instead of giving up, hang in there, instead of blaming, own it, and so on.
As Pat often says, simple doesn't mean easy.
The battle to control one's emotions and move to these stronger and more positive states can be quite challenging. I can tell I am hitting 'the wall' when I want to scream at my dog for whining (she knows when the horse isn't doing what I am asking and I know it is her way of helping, but it is like I can't take that whining AND deal with the behavior of the horse AND try to correct myself AND, AND, AND...).
Chalk one up for 'justify'...actually, give me a double for justify AND take it out on others.
I take that urge to scream at the dog as my big clue that I need a time out.....it only takes a breath or two and I am back. That tells me I am making progress as it used to take much longer.
All of those layers of things to deal with: dog whining, horse going RB, ME going RB, are the obstacles on my path to becoming more emotionally fit and the leader my horse needs me to be.
Without those stressors, I won't progress through what I need to sort out, in order to become that person I so want to be.
Like the levels themselves, change will be incremental and not in one.huge.leap.
Over time, it'll just be that I don't notice the whining of the dog, or if I do, I calmly ask her to go lay down or just ignore it and stay focused on the horse. I will have enough 'arrows in my quiver' to deal with the horse and supply what he/she needs to also become more calm and focused. I will automatically take the breaths I need and remain in a steady state.
Like me, my horses also need the exposure to the various things that THEY can't handle and a calm, knowing guide to get them through it....not too much, so that they go over the edge, and not so little that there is no room for growth.
We are both on the levels....growing in our own ways and growing in the ways we relate to each other.
Simple.....but not easy. But totally worth it.
Sue, becoming a leader, in Ohio
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